Texting the Electronic Kiss Off

By Frank Szivos

The chilling words popped up on a friend’s Smart Phone screen: “Sorry to say, I can’t continue this relationship. Let’s part friends. And I wish you the best.” It was the dreaded breakup text.

In 2012, it’s the equivalent of a Dear John letter, which goes something like this: You’re a wonderful person, but our relationship is over. It’s more about me than you. Have a nice life. See you around the campus.

Whoa, it’s always difficult to end any romantic relationship from a marriage to a casual bond. But it’s even icier when you call it quits electronically.  But more couples are ending romantic relationships with a chilly text message or an e-mail. In fact, bad dumping is building momentum, especially among the young.

A Stanford University survey of kids 13-17 years old showed that 24 percent of respondents thought it was perfectly acceptable to break up with someone via texting. And among those surveyed, 26 percent had already ended a romantic relationship through smart phones.

Sure, that’s just kids, who have grown up with cell phones and the Internet, just being kids. Hold on their Space Rangers, the older generations of daters are also tapping out so-long-nice-knowing-but don’t-let-the-door-hit-you-on-the-way-out texts.

Consider the Internet dating boom that services 20-somethings to the elderly. With the divorce rate climbing beyond 50 percent of all marriages, even older generations are turning to online dating. So it’s good bet while more people are finding soul mates electronically, a good number of those relationships eventually crash and burn, too, – electronically. It would be so tempting to begin and end with an electronic goodbye.

So it’s a good idea to know how to master the art of the breakup. Texts might look appealing and avoid a face-to-face kiss off, it compromises both parties. In a Psychology Today article, The Thoroughly Modern Guide To Breakups by Elizabeth Svoboda, she writes that electronic endings compromise the self-respect of the dumpers and deprives dumpees of closure.

Got any doubts about that, consider that more than 3 million people have reported being stalking victims. No doubt, some of those reports were sparked by impersonal and cold electronic goodbyes.

How you end a relationship says a great deal about your character and your respect for someone, who was near and dear at one time – supposedly. The bottom line is don’t think you can hide behind the cloak of an electronic message to escape the emotional and physical stress of a break up.

As convenient as texting is, how long do you want your little thumbs typing away as you pour your heart out? Texting or any written communication lacks intent. You might think you’re composing a delicate and heartfelt sayonara, but the receiver reads it as a slap in the face. We communicate with more than words. There’s body language, eye contact, facial expressions and on and on…

Here comes the dreaded first rule of a breakup (you’re not going to like this): No texting or e-mailing allowed. Do it face to face. It sounds so old-fashion but we’re still talking behavior among humans. Technology makes some aspects of communicating quicker, easier, and acceptable, but it doesn’t change all the rules.

Like it or not, Techies, humans have evolved to communicate about the important stuff interpersonally. You want to arrange a rendezvous time and place or send a quick love text with a text, no problem. But to say goodbye forever, requires a bit of hand holding.

The article quotes University of Chicago neuroscientist John Cacioppo who says that with no definitive closure to a relationship, we feel as if we were run over by a truck, which can lead to depression and feelings of inadequacy as we try to figure out what the heck happened.

If you zap someone electronically, you might regret it later when you realize how much psychological damage you might have inflicted. And in extreme cases, you might have a stalker on your hands.

Don’t take my word for it. If you can’t imagine what it might be like, please see the movie, “Fatal Attraction,” which shows the possibilities of a break up gone wrong. Wow, I would rather endure a break-up session any day then have all that going on.

Psychologists remind us that if you are on the receiving end of one these electronic bombs (this even applies to non-electronic break ups), don’t fall into the trap that you’ve lost your soul mate.

No one is demeaning your relationship, but love has a sneaky quality that makes us think that we have lost “the one and only.” Balderdash to that, psychologists say. The truth is there are many people we could be compatible with. After the dust has settled, if you allow it, you can find someone else.

And when you come across a new love, tell that person, if you ever think of sending an text break up, you will cast an electronic curse on him/her; and they’re account will be flooded with spam.

Frank Szivos is a free-lance writer who hates texting for any reason. He can be reached at Facebook.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Enter your email address

Our Charitable Commitment

We enthusiastically support various non-profit organizations that are meaningful to us. If these charities resonate with you, please consider helping them with their cause – Tammy & Dave


By using the website, you acknowledge that you are of legal drinking age or 21 years of age, whichever is greater. MartiniHunter.com is intended for use by responsible adults of legal eating and drinking age who seek new locations to enjoy a good cocktail. MartiniHunter.com assumes no liability, either expressed or implied and makes no warranty regarding the business establishments referenced herein as your experiences and personal choices may vary.
As always, please drink responsibly.
wordpress blog stats