Guy Facts: What Every Woman Should Really Know

By Frank Szivos

Men are misunderstood, over analyzed and definitely maligned. We’re just not that complex. For the record, I believe we’re extremely easy to figure out. Here are some tidbits about men to help women understand why deep inside of us we’re cuddly little boys.

1. All guys think they’re funny as funny as Robin Williams. So a way to win a man’s heart is to laugh uproariously at his jokes (funny or not). However, guys don’t have to laugh at each other’s jokes. In fact, we groan if another guy cracks a funny and it bombs. But we don’t want to win each other’s hearts.

2. All guys think they’re nice guys. Just ask us and we’ll tell you. What’s more single guys are all nice while they’re dating. The real self emerges after commitment or marriage. But for a real list of the nice guys get in touch, I can e-mail it. Unfortunately, the list is quite short. Hint: I’m on it.

3. Most guys believe they’re really great athletes. If it weren’t for a bad knee, a dislocated shoulder, or a chronic hangnail, they would have made it at the professional level. Pssst, here’s a secret: we really weren’t all that good. As we get older, our meager athletic accomplishments grow along with our waistlines. The only guy you really can believe is Michael Jordan. Take my word for it, he was good.

4. Never, never, never approach a guy with the phrase: “We have to talk.” Just the sound of it sets off sirens and horns in his psyche. He’s liable to break into a cold sweat or in some cases even dive out a window from several stories up. If you have to talk, best to start chatting about sports, then angle your way around to what you have to talk about. Warning: don’t be abnormally interested in his golf game because he’ll sniff out a plot and run at the first mention of a serious topic. We know that our golf games are really not that interesting although we can’t stop talking about them.

5. Guys who like classical music probably have less bad habits, such as smoking, burping or spitting. However, how many guys really like classical music. And it’s a good bet, they’re booooooring.

6. Men need bromances – relationships with other guys. As much as a guy loves his wife or girlfriend, he craves the company of other guys. Where else can he punch someone, hand out high-fives or fist bumps and toss out cutting remarks with no repercussions. Don’t try to understand this kind of behavior. You have to trust me on this. But guys need these infantile rituals to satisfy the cave man that dwells within. Women should avoid being threatened by these bromances. Consider these guy- only excursions as a way to recharge his masculine battery. Ahhh, there’s nothing like a good chest bump to get a guy’s blood flowing again.

7. Single guys don’t want to know about ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands from their new love interests. We don’t want to hear criticism because we’ve all engaged in that behavior at some time ourselves.  We want to be considered new and different than the competition, even though there are a lot of similarities.

8. Here’s another guy foible that could be extremely annoying, but if you like us please put up with it: singing. Just as we think we’re funny, we all know that we can belt out “Stairway to Heaven” almost as good as the original. And if we choose to slip into a falsetto to sing along with the Temptations, grind your teeth and go with it. This singing, too, will pass.

9. In case women haven’t noticed, guys like to eat. We eat too much and when were together, we eat even more than normal. It’s as if we’re competing with each other to see who can devour an entire roasted pig the quickest. And rest assured guys love to brag that they eat weird foods – kidneys, tongue, brains. If that wasn’t bad enough, we also have to douse it with fiery spices, and then tell each other how a tablespoon of hot red pepper on a slice of emu enhances the taste as sweat starts dripping from our brows.

10. It’s a known fact that guys like gadgets, gizmos, and electronic stuff. The problem is too many guys like to hang them off their belts. Even as a guy, I think women are right on this one. If you have your cell phone clipped to your pants or wear a Bluetooth in your ear 24/7, you look like a geek. Strolling down the street with a key chain thick enough to hold King Kong, is overkill. But we like these gadgets and trinkets, they make us feel manly. So shoot us. 

 

Frank Szivos is a free-lance writer who considers himself a guy scholar because he’s been a guy all his life. He can be reached at this site or Facebook.

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